A Teacher's Apology

In high school, seniors were given the opportunity to be a TA (teacher's assistant) for class credit.  It was considered an "easy A," and it sounded like something that would be fun to do.  I was a librarian assistant in 7th grade, so how hard could it be?

I asked one of my favorite English teachers if I could be her assistant, and was thrilled when she said, "yes," and signed my new class schedule.  I don't remember much of my duties, other than correcting papers and filing.  There was a common area next to all of the English classes and I would pull in a desk to correct papers in that area.

As I came into my English class one day, my teacher pulled me aside to speak to me privately.  She seemed quite embarrassed, but continued to say, "I need to apologize to you."

Apologize for what? I responded, genuinely puzzled. 

"Remember when I spoke to you earlier today?"

My mind flashed back to my TA period ~ I was sitting at a desk, grading papers.  My English teacher had come up to me and asked me a question about something.

Yeah, I do.

"Well, before I came up to you, I called out your name a few times and said, 'Are you deaf or what?'  I am so sorry for saying that to you."

To be honest, I didn't hear you say that. 

She breathed a sigh of relief.  "I forget that you can't hear.  You look like every other student and I need to remind myself..."


Thank you.  I appreciate that.  


Her sincere apology made me love her even more.  She was more than just a teacher, she was a human being, with feelings....

Our conversation got me thinking.  How many times have I not heard something that was meant to be hurtful?  A rude comment.  Name calling.  

How many times have I been spared, just because I didn't hear it? 

I consider myself pretty lucky.

I'm Here....

Habits are really hard to break.

Especially for those who are not hard of hearing.

Whenever I call out, "Where are you?" 

I get, "I'm here."

Where?

Here.

I look in the last place I remember seeing him....not there.

Where's 'here?'

Apparently, I'm the only one that has names for every room in the house:  kitchen, front room, family room, etc.

Hubby was in the family room, didn't know what to call it, and said, "here...."

*sigh*

I guess I need to learn not to call out.  Maybe I need a smaller house.  Or a pager.  Do pagers still exist?  Guess I'll rely on texting and searching the house, inside and out, to find someone...

Never Mind...

Never mind.

What comes to mind when you hear these words?

Huh?  

Did I really hear that?


I'm not important enough for you to repeat what you just said.

The definition from Wikitonary:

Verb

never mind (only in imperative)

1. It is not important; do not fret; used to reassure or comfort the person to whom it is said.
   

   I’m afraid I’ve broken your mug. — Never mind, it was old and I was going to throw it away.

   Did you fall over and hurt your knee? Never mind, I’ll put a bandage on it.



2. Do not be concerned (about someone or something, or about doing something)
   

   Never mind about me — you go and I’ll join you later.

   Here’s some money for you. Never mind about paying me back; you can keep it.



3. I withdraw my previous statement.
   

   You’re a fool. — What did you call me? — Never mind.

Synonyms

• (it is not important): forget about it, forget it

Many, many, MANY times, when my husband says it, it just means that the moment has passed.

For example, he may say, "Would you give me a hand?"

What?

Never mind.  I got it.

I bristle when I hear these words and need to remember to reply calmly that I still want to know what he said, no matter what.

He does repeat what was said, and it helps me understand why he said, "never mind."

It makes me feel included.

And that is important to me.

Thanks, honey.

Deaf Disrimination and Jobs

I just watched the show, "What Would You Do?" yesterday.  I enjoy watching the show because of the people that stand up for what is right and wrong.  Depending on the circumstances, it seems like the majority of people "do not want to get involved." 

This particular episode resonated with me.  You can watch it HERE.

In summary, two girls (actors) go into a coffee shop to apply for a kitchen position.  The managers are also actors and they are instructed to tell the deaf applicants that they will "not be able to hire" them.  Why?  Because they are "deaf" or "not a good fit."  "If you can't hear me, how are we going to communicate?" "You can make a list."  The two actors try to tell the managers that they have the skills and that the manager can "write things down" for them.  The managers again tell them that they are welcome to fill out the application, but they still will not be hiring them.

The hope was that someone, anyone, would stand up to the managers and tell them that they could not discriminate against these two applicants.  Sure, the video showed many customers that were stunned and appalled by the actions of the manager.  But....they said and did....nothing.

A couple of people did stand up to the manager, but the most surprising of all were the three people that worked in human resources/recruitment that spoke up AFTER the applicants had left.  They tell the manager(s) that they shouldn't have done that and that it is discrimination.  But what they also told them was that they should just accept the application and NOT hire them.  Huh?  "Just accept it and don't call."

Un...be.....lie...vable.

Only one man in the coffee shop openly tells the manager out loud that what he is doing is unacceptable and threatens to not come back for business.   This guy should be wearing a cape.  A true modern-day hero.

This type of action usually happens behind closed doors, but ABC wanted to bring it out into the open to see what people would do.  Did it happen to me?  I don't know.

Well, most of my jobs as a teen were spent babysitting kids for $1 per hour.  I was great at it till I discovered dating and suddenly, I wasn't available to babysit on weekends.  During one or two summers, I cleaned an elementary school.  (My dad was the principal.  Nowadays, you can't hire family members...district policy).  I guess my first "real" job was at a nearby cookie factory.  I was probably one of three people that spoke English.  I befriended several Hispanic and a couple of Laotian girls that worked with me. 

When school started, I had permission to leave for the afternoon as part of "OJT: On the Job Training."  Part of the deal was one of my teachers was assigned to visit the facility where I worked and have one of my managers evaluate me.  My teacher shared my evaluation and I was surprised.  Of course, I was on time, but my performance was lacking because "I couldn't hear."

I was laid off with many other workers during the holidays.  The next summer, after my first year of college, I applied for and got a job at a local jewelry store.  I felt that if I told the owner of my hearing impairment, he would not hire me.  I got the job and it lasted three months. 

I walked in one day and he asked me into his office.  He handed me a pink slip and told me that I wasn't making him enough money.  I also wasn't answering the phone.  (I wasn't the only person working the counter; there were two other girls there and no one told me that I had to answer the phone).  He said that I should get my hearing checked; I walked out the door and cried all the way home. 

From then on, I have been very selective about jobs. One job required a typing test and an interview.  I passed the test and the interview with flying colors.  When the manager called me to say I got the job, I told her that I would be happy to accept, but that she needed to know one thing.

After I told her about my hearing, there was a brief moment of silence.  "Well, will you be able to use a phone?" she asked.  "I'm using a phone right now.  Is it a job requirement that I be able to answer phones?" I replied.  "I guess not," she answered.

Does deaf/hard of hearing discrimination still exist?  Perhaps.  I hope this show opened up doors for recruiters, managers, and owners alike to communicate with prospective applicants and explore alternatives to the job description.  A little bit of education can go a long ways....

Elementary School ~ and Bullies

Elementary school was hard for me.  Not in the academic sense, but in the social, friend-making sense.  Kindergarten was a blur of crafts, snacks and story time.  I believe I kept mostly to myself.  First grade came around and I struggled initially with reading.  Once I caught on, I never stopped.  My mom affectionally called me, "Frieda-nose-in-the-book."

I recall having reading contests in second grade  to see who could read the most books.  I won, and was gifted with a mystery book, inscribed with a message from my teacher.  I still have that book to this day.

Second grade was when the teasing started.  Or at least, when I noticed that the teasing started.  Being hearing impaired, it is a blessing not to be able to hear the hurtful things that are being said.  When I don't respond, it either goes away or someone decides to up the ante.

One day, I couldn't find my coat where it should be hanging outside the classroom.  Someone told me that a particular girl put it in the lost and found.  She was upset when I "found" my coat and we got into a verbal, fighting match.  I don't think it lasted long, as it was after school and we had to run to catch the bus.

Third grade wasn't much better.  We had to individually stand in the front of the classroom and orally recite our times tables.  In the middle of the year, a new girl was introduced to the class.  A girl that wore a different kind of hearing aid.  One that you could see. After meeting and talking with her, I discovered that her hearing loss was more profound than mine.  That explained her ultra-powerful hearing aids that had wires connected to a box that was in her pocket.  She, too, did not like getting up in front of the class to recite her times tables.  Her voice was different, and she struggled with pronouncing certain words.  I finally felt like I could connect with someone and we became friends.

On the bus ride to school, I noticed a pen that was stuck beneath the heater.  While I was trying to pry it out, one of the school bullies pushed me aside, also trying to get the pen.  When he couldn't get it out, he started yelling at me, telling me it was my fault that 'his' pen got stuck in the heater.  I ignored him and shrugged it off.

Later, during recess, that same bully climbed on top of a playground gym and jumped onto my back, knocking me down to the ground.  I rolled over, and pinned his arms and legs down, a trick I learned from wrestling with my brothers.

He began screaming and spitting into my face.  After a couple of minutes, I let him go and gave him a swift kick in the behind.  I went to class, thinking it was over.  During the next recess, my teacher called me over and disciplined me, saying that "girls should not fight" and kept me in for recess.

Fourth and fifth grades came and went and I had some fabulous teachers.  My fifth grade teacher had a brace on her leg and understood kids who didn't fit in.  She loved putting her arms around the kids.  She said what she meant and meant what she said.

She said a swear word in class and immediately asked me to go to the teacher's lounge and get her a diet Tab drink.  Looking at her and watching her chewing on a bite of soap spurred me to action.  When I came back, she had swallowed the bite of soap.  And drank the Tab.

In the middle of sixth grade, our new school two blocks down the road was finished.  We carried chairs down the street and marveled at the new building.  It was different.  The first thing I noticed was the classrooms did not have walls.  They were called, "open" classrooms.  Very quickly, I noticed how echo-y everything sounded and it was very difficult to understand everything that was said.

I noticed that the school bully had a friend.  He was also a bully.  They would get into trouble a lot.  One teacher even locked up one of the bullies in a closet.  We could hear him screaming, and then crying.

During recess, one of those bullies had an aluminum bat.  He swung it at me and I turned my head.  The bat landed on my hearing aid, cracking the shell.  I remember my mom meeting with the principal and then sending in the aid to be fixed.

I was so looking forward to seventh grade.